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Identity: Conkers.

History: Introduced to the UK over four centuries back.

Appearance: Nature's Labubu.

No, I don’t think that’s right. Absolutely. Go and watch a social media video of someone unboxing a conker, and you’ll almost certainly hear them call it “the earth's Labubu”.

Unboxing conkers? What on Earth are you talking about? Oh wow, you are definitely out of the loop, aren’t you? Young people are using social platforms to record videos removing conkers from their prickly shells.

But why? Because of the sense of wonder! When you open up a conker, you never know what you’re going to get. Could it be large? Will it be flat? What will its shine level be? It is like a mystery box every time!

Do Labubu dolls share those traits? No, they’re vaguely hellish-looking dolls that have become highly sought-after because they also come in mystery boxes.

Can someone please tell the younger crowd that they’re doing conkers wrong? Are they? How do you play with horse chestnuts, then?

Thread a lace through the center, and try to destroy everyone else’s conkers. Wow, really? That’s bizarre.

Yes. Your odds improve if you soak the conker in vinegar overnight and then heat it in the oven. Seriously?

Truly. And if you end up collecting too many conkers, you can toss them in the schoolyard and all the other kids will fight each other for them. A lovely item from nature like a conker, and you use it as a tool for battle? A weapon that comes with a lengthy list of complex and confusing guidelines?

That's the custom! The King recently awarded the World Conker Championships with a gift of 300 conkers! At least gen Z is only filming them.

Why don’t you know this? At a guess, because certain schools prohibited the game twenty years back, due to various health and safety fears.

The modern world never fails to amaze me. Maybe unboxing conkers just isn’t your thing. In which case, perhaps you would be more interested in some other hot new youth fads.

Is that so? Like what? Well, there’s this thing called yarn work, and something else called pottery that I can describe for you.

We’ve had knitting and pottery for centuries! Let me guess, you heat tools in apple drink and then use them to jab one another?

No! OK, calm down. I thought all old-people traditions involved some type of aggression, after that horse chestnut game.

This is overwhelming. Relax for a moment. If you need me, I’ll be unboxing seeds for clicks.

Do say: “Social media loves showcasing nut discoveries.”

Don’t say: “This is nuts.”